Lessons Learned: Hope, Choosing a Path, and Love

So I am sure that by now you all know just how much I LOVE Once Upon A Time. I absolutely love this show and all of the many lessons that I learn on that show. Last night's episode was a controversial one for a lot of people, but I don't want to address the controversy at all. The episode for me was actually quite amazing, and not for the reasons that you all might be thinking. There are many quotes and many things that were said in the episode that spoke to me. Tears were shed, shouts at the TV were made, and a cliffhanger ending that angered me (really!? We lose two characters in one episode?! I won't say in what way we lost them, but ugh!), but overall I was filled with emotion and I loved the episode for the moral and life lessons that can be learned from them. There were a lot of quotes that I would definitely use if I ever have to give a talk in church, because they are very relatable to church topics, but apart from that, they are VERY relatable to me and my life, and I loved that.  

Regina says something very important to Zelena. "You did a terrible thing, but just because you made one bad move, or thirty, doesn't mean you can't make a good one now. Zelena, you can come back from this, trust me, I know." Regina is speaking from experience. Regina did MANY bad things, but now she is one of the best characters on the show, a true hero. Zelena has had a lot of character development in this season. She is doing everything that she can to get her child back. She wants to be loved, but she doesn’t even love herself enough to allow herself to allow anyone else in (I mean, who can blame her? Cora gave her up as a baby and she didn't even know her own birthday until Hades tortured it out of a Miller's Daughter). Zelena is damaged, and she does terrible (albeit amazingly written) things. The lesson here though is that no matter what you have done, you can come back from it. This is the embodiment of the atonement. No matter what any of us have done, Christ already suffered for it, and there is basically nothing that we can do that is unforgivable. President Uchtdorf said something in General Conference just this month (this talk was by far my favorite. I cried the whole talk!) that this scene makes me think of. "It matters not how completely ruined our lives may seem. It matters not how scarlet our sins, how deep our bitterness, how lonely, abandoned, or broken our hearts may be. Even those who are without hope, who live in despair, who have betrayed trust, surrendered their integrity, or turned away from God can be rebuilt. Save those rare sons of perdition, there is no life so shattered that it cannot be restored. The joyous news of the gospel is this: because of the eternal plan of happiness provided by our loving Heavenly Father and through the infinite sacrifice of Jesus the Christ, we can not only be redeemed from our fallen state and restored to purity, but we can also transcend mortal imagination and become heirs of eternal life and partakers of God’s indescribable glory." I think that the first part of this basically describes Zelena, and had recently been describing me. I have been in a dark place recently. No, I haven’t been sinning like crazy, but I have felt lonely, lost, afraid, been bitter and angry, felt like trust is gone. I received the most spiritual and loving blessing I have ever received from a dear friend of mine (and if you are reading this my dear friend, you have no idea how much it meant to me to receive this blessing! Thank you for being a worthy priesthood holder and for being willing to give a blessing to a friend. That simple act meant more to me than you could ever imagine and I will be eternally grateful for you and your friendship. Thanks for seeing movies with me you don't enjoy, ie the cheesiest Mormon musical you have ever seen that I love so much! Just thanks for being you and not judging me for my crazy choices and just accepting me for me. You are the best my dear friend!) that helped me to feel the love that my Heavenly Father has for me and gave me some incredible counsel that I need to continue to put in practice. This talk by President Uchtdorf is absolutely astounding and made me realize just how loved I am by my Savior. Even in my darkest moments my Savior has been beside me, loving me and only wanting me to continue. This scene in this episode helped me to remember that no matter my choices, I can always come back. That is the good news of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Zelena is being given this opportunity on the show (and actually makes a REALLY good decision for no other reason than love) and it is great. For me it is a reminder that we get this opportunity on a daily basis, thanks to the atonement of Jesus Christ.  

There is a conversation between two characters that I think is quite important. Here is the quote and the order of characters is Dorothy, Ruby, and then Dorothy. "What are you looking for?" "I'm not sure." "Well maybe that's the problem." This reminds me of a quote that is shared in EVERY General Conference. It comes from Alice and Wonderland and I am not even joking, I think that it is in every single General Conference. “'Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?' 'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat. 'I don't much care where -' said Alice. 'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat." This quote is incredibly powerful and I think is very similar to what Dorothy says to Ruby. If you don't know what you are looking for, then there is a problem. How do you know which path to take in life if you don't know where you want to end up or what you even want? I recently went to a fireside that Lindsey Stirling spoke at. She is an AMAZING violinist, but also a very captivating speaker. She spoke about how there are many different finish lines in life, depending on where you want to go, but only one that will lead to true happiness, but the path is hard. Some of the paths in life are super easy, but the one that will lead towards true and lasting happiness is the one that leads to Exaltation, and the path is the one of the Savior. She said that it won't be easy. She said that it will be really difficult and the world will show us many different paths to take with many different destinations, but the one that leads to true happiness is a challenging one. I look at my life and I ask myself that same question. "Kevin, what are you looking for?" Sometimes I can answer that, and other times I cannot. Sometimes I know exactly what I want, and then other times I have no idea. The world tells me to do one thing, the Savior tells me to do another. It can be challenging, but I think that we all would benefit if we could figure out what we are looking for, then we wouldn't have that problem that Dorothy is mentioning in this scene. I sometimes get overwhelmed with looking into the future, looking at what I want in my life and I honestly don't know everything. I don't have all of the answers and I tend to be living in the moment more. I am grateful that I don't have to have those answers all right now and that I am in the process of figuring these things out.  

Love is an interesting thing in life. There are many different types of love. I have blogged about this exact topic, love, before and I keep on coming back to this topic because it is so important in life I think. There is a scene in this episode where Snow is giving a pep talk to another character and she says a lot of good things, but this one stuck out to me. "Love is freaking scary. I'm about to say goodbye to David for what might be a really, really long time, and you know why I'm okay with it? Because what you get back when you love someone far outweighs the risk." Love IS freaking scary, all different kinds of it. You are opening yourself up for hurt, for anger, for pain, but you are also opening yourself up for joy, happiness, validation, support, and fulfillment. (Also, I just loved that Snow said that love is freaking scary. PERFECT!) I have a lot of love in my life. I have a family who loves me. I have friends who love me. I have coworkers who love me. I have a lot of love. Opening up about myself and my life, coming out and being real, has been quite liberating but was also a bit scary. I have learned something though about being myself and allowing other people to know me. I have learned that allowing people to know and love me for ME, without any masks or fakeness or pretenses has far outweighed the risk. I have grown to love some of my friends more than I could have ever thought possible and I wish that I could tell you all exactly how much you mean to me, but I am just going to give a collective shout out to many of you. My friends are my family, because they choose to be. I have people in my life who I love and I feel like love me. I have gotten more back from all of you than I have given for the simple fact of love. I have felt overwhelmingly loved, validated, and accepted. I had this crippling fear most of my life that if people REALLY got to know me they would not accept me or even like me. I have learned that that is not the case. Either people are really good at faking it, or people actually seem to like me and love me for who I am. It is a risk to get close to people because you never know where things could go. Being hurt is never fun or easy, but the risk of getting hurt DEFINITELY outweighs the alternative. I have friends who I love dearly who have done more for me than they could ever even imagine. Friends who have sacrificed time to be with me, who have just held me as I cried, who have let me talk openly and honestly about doubts and fears, who haven't judged me for my crazy choices, who just love and support me in all that I do. I have friends who are willing to go to funerals with me, friends who share their talents with me and have played me songs on the piano, friends who call me on the phone and who I can talk with for hours without time even feeling like it is passing, friends who help me be the best version of myself, friends who have helped me to love every part of me, friends who I've vacationed with, friends who I know I knew before this life and who are helping me to do the things that will lead me back to God. I have friends who genuinely seem to want to spend time with me, who genuinely love me as a person, and who I feel really close to. I have been uplifted by my friends, loved by my friends, and I feel like what I have gotten back from loving people has been more than I deserve. It is not always easy, but it is worth it. 

There are many, MANY other things that I could talk about, but I think that this post is long enough as it is. It is probably pretty rambly already, but I just think that this show is amazing and has helped me in many ways. I am kind of hard headed sometimes and just won't listen to the spirit, so God speaks to me through many means, and I think that this is one of them. There are so many life lessons to be learned and I just love this show. I love you all and hope that you know it, but more importantly that you feel it. Thanks for reading my ramblings about Once Upon A Time and I hope that it makes sense.

Who Are These Children Coming Down?

“Who are these children coming down?” The opening line to one of my favorite songs from one of my new favorite movies, Saturday’s Warrior. I grew up watching the 1989 version of this show and was obsessed with it as a child. I loved the music, loved the story, but mostly loved the music. As many of you know Fairy Tales are one of my favorite things (Snow White being my favorite one, especially the Once Upon A Time version). I love the hope that they give. Saturday’s Warrior is just a Mormon fairy tale, and I love it for that. It is an emotional roller coaster that I really enjoy. I have seen the movie twice now, and there have been a lot of thoughts that have come through my mind as I pondered the things that I felt and thought of while I watched this movie. This is not going to be my most coherent post ever, but hopefully something will come from it. If nothing it will give me a place to put some thoughts/feelings out there.

Let me start with my favorite two characters in the movie: Julie and Todd. Julie and Todd are great. These two made the movie for me more than anyone else (and the actors are WAY nice, two of the most genuine people I have ever met).

Their story is a beautiful one, and a sad one at the same time. We start the movie with Julie and Todd asking to be sent to earth in the same town, or at least at the same time, so that they can find one another. They sing my favorite song from the movie/play, “Circle of Our Love” and Todd is born. They promise to find one another during the song. Now, in doctrine according to Kevin, I don’t believe that there is only one person that I am destined to be with, like the Julie and Todd situation. I just don’t think that is how it works, but I DO believe that there are relationships in my life that I have that are just a continuation from the pre-mortal existence. When I was set apart as a missionary my Stake President said during the blessing something to the effect of, “You will find people who you knew before this life who you cared about, and they cared about, and you will help each other return to the presence of your Heavenly Father.” Now I don’t remember the exact words, because that was 7 and a half years ago and I wasn’t smart enough to right that down, but I truly believe that. I had a couple of experiences in the mission that confirmed that for me with one of my companions and one of the people I taught (who right now is serving a mission). A couple of months ago I was in the temple after having a rough time and I prayed about a lot of things and these same words came to my mind and I immediately could think of six people who I just know I knew from before. There is no other way to explain the deep feelings I have towards these people, the immediate and deep friendships, and the complete and utter trust I have with them. I believe that I knew some of the people in my life before and I have this really intense feeling that before we were born we said we would find each other in this life and be friends, helping each other in the path to return to our Heavenly Home. Heaven wouldn’t be heaven without the friends I have. (I am not going to list you, but some of you (hopefully) are reading this and you should hopefully know who you are because I have always told you how much I love and care about you!)

So we flash to earth life, and it is hard. All of the Flinders are very different than they were in the pre-mortal existence. Jimmy was spiritually strong and motivate to do what’s right, but on earth he questions everything about his faith and doesn’t remember the promises he made before. Pam was a dancer and just wanted to dance her way through life, but is confined to a wheelchair. Julie is basically engaged to a missionary . . . Life is just not what they had expected. After a fight with his parents Jimmy runs from the house and comes back later to find Pam playing basketball in the driveway. They start talking and Jimmy asks Pam, “Is this the plan you had for your life?” Pam looks at Jimmy and says, “No. It’s not, but it is HIS plan.” Okay, so she is living in a wheelchair, in constant pain, and eventually tragedy strikes (kind of a spoiler, but the play has been out since the 70’s . . .). She just keeps the faith and is living the gospel the way she knows she should. What an example of courage in adversity! Is my life going the way I had planned it to? No, not really if I am completely honest. It is not going the way that I planned it, but it is definitely going the way that God is planning it, and if I am REALLY honest, I am having a hard time figuring out how to completely trust in the Lord. How does one submit to the Lord’s will and figure out what His plan for their life is? How do I trust Him? How do I trust that He really is listening as I pray and not ignoring me when I pray for things that I think are not too much to ask? How do I trust that He really is there?

Jimmy kind of goes through all of that. He leaves home, gets involved in drinking and drugs (and implied sex). He suffers some pretty tragic situations and sings the song, “Brace Me Up” in which he pleads for someone to help him. “Isn’t there a someone with a hand to spare, who can share what they have for my hunger? Isn’t there a someone who can take me as I am?” Jimmy has a faith crisis. Jimmy hits rock bottom, and then the Lord works a miracle with him through his unborn sister coming and leading him home. Life can be rough. Life can be pretty dang challenging. I have been feeling pretty blah lately. I have been feeling like I have been crying like Jimmy for someone to brace me up, to lift me up, and to help me move forward. I have been down and doubting, but today I have been blessed in ways that I know are the Lord reaching out to me. An awesome and impromptu movie invitation and a call on the phone from someone asking me how I am doing. Miracles do happen and I am grateful for it.

Todd comes to Earth and his life sucks. No other way to say it. His father is abusive, his mother is an alcoholic, and he ends up running away as a child and growing up not know who he is. He sits in the park drawing. A change from the play to the movie is that he draws pictures of people he sees in his mind, but hasn’t met. He had drawn a picture of Jimmy two years prior to meeting him and has drawn a picture of Julie. He doesn’t know who he is, but he does have an inkling that “There’s got to be more to this life,” and eventually is contacted by the missionaries and instantly recognizes the truth. Of course he ends up finding Julie and we are lead to believe that they have their happily ever after. Like Todd, we all can have questions and doubts. We can all be “lost” and feel glimpses of truth and catch glimpses of the eternities. What is important though is what Todd did. He learned the truth and then did something about it. What are we all doing about the truths that we learn and know? Are we doing anything with them, or are we just hearing them and then doing nothing about it? We just had the opportunity to learn from the leaders of the church during General Conference, so now it comes to us to do something about the truths that we learned. I felt the spirit a lot. One of the things that I felt was how loved I truly am, which is something that I have been doubting a lot recently. I can’t count how many talks spoke about the love that not only the brethren have, but also the love that my Heavenly Father has for me. He knows me and loves me. I need to remember that always and do something with that truth.

Saturday’s Warrior is a movie about a lot of things, but mostly for me it is about figuring out who you are. It is about figuring out what God’s plan is and doing something about it. We are all blessed to be unique people. Something that I noticed in the movie is how unique every character is, and how valued they are. Something that I have been working on with my life coach is accepting my uniqueness as a good thing. Being unique allows me to have a different perspective. It allows me to be me. My uniqueness is to be celebrated. I am not the same as everyone around me. I am my own person with my own strengths, my own weaknesses, my own thoughts and opinions, and my own experiences. I am of value and have something special to offer to those around me, and SO DO YOU.  Each of us are valuable and important. Each of us is unique. We all have value, are important, and belong. We are all loved. I love you all and hope that you can feel my love. I am just going to end with the last couple of lines from the song “Saturday’s Warrior” because they fill me with hope and love. “With glory trailing from their feet as they go, and endless promise in their eyes.”