How Do I Find Rest?

I had an interesting conversation with a coworker the other morning. We were discussing a lot of different things, religious and not religious, and he posed a very interesting question to me. He said, “What does it mean that ‘I will give you rest’?” We were discussing adversity, because that is the topic that he will be teaching on in Elders quorum in a couple of weeks, so we were discussing the different forms of adversity that we all have in our lives, from personal and private ones, to ones that are more visible to others, and we came to this scripture in Matthew. Matthew 11:28 says, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” So I pose the question to you, what does it mean that He will give us rest?

When my amazing coworker asked this, I wasn’t quite sure how to respond. I have always believed this scripture to be true, but I have never actually put it into practice or thought about it, so I didn’t have an immediate answer or reaction other than, “Good question.” I mean, it is the same as, “Cast your burdens upon the Lord.” It is fun to say, but how do you actually do it? I sat there in silence for a minute, and if you know me you know that silence is one of my greatest fears and annoyances in life. True story, silence is the thing that scares me the most in the world, more than anything. It puts me on edge and makes me uncomfortable and when things are absolutely silent I get extremely uncomfortable. I have to have some kind of noise, music, or someone talking or else I can’t function. Anyways, weird tangent that was, but yes, I just sat there in silence thinking about it wondering what it means that He will give me rest.

I was asked, “Do you feel rest in the temple?” and immediately I responded with yes. “Do you feel rest at church?” Yes. “Do you feel rest while reading the scriptures?” Yes. “Do you feel rest when praying?” Yes. What is it about the temple, going to church, reading my scriptures, or the simple act of praying that makes me feel rest? How is it that when I feel burdened or heavy laden that I can find rest, even if momentarily, from my woes and cares? What is it about these simple things that bring me closer to my Savior and allow me to find peace, even if for a moment, in a crazy and tumultuous world?

I wish that I had the answers, but my coworker came up with an metaphor or analogy that I think fits pretty well with this: Drowning. When you are drowning, you are in complete panic mode. You are struggling, flailing, and fighting, and if you break the surface, even for a moment, and are able to take just a gasp of air, you can survive for a little bit longer. That is physically drowning. Spiritually, emotionally, and mentally we can be drowning too. We can be so bogged down by our trials, temptations, addictions, fears, trepidations, sorrows, hurts, pains, confusions, or whatever you are going through that it can feel like we are drowning. As we fight through these things, we do the small and simple things, like praying or reading scriptures, and it is like we are able to take a breath of air and survive a little longer. As we go to church it is like our head is out of the water for a longer time and we are able to recoup for a little bit. Going to the temple is like getting out of the water for a minute and regrouping, preparing to dive back in and swim, but we are able to swim a little bit better. As we continue to do the little things, we are able to keep our heads above the water for longer and longer. If we continually do them, we will be able to float.

As I heard this idea, the spirit spoke to me and it just rang true to me. Sometimes I feel like I am drowning, and as I look at my life I realize that there are a lot of things that I should be doing that would help me to keep afloat. If I would take more time to seriously study the scriptures, take time to seriously work on my relationship with my Heavenly Father and Savior, take time to make sure my Sunday worship and temple attendance are how they should be, then I would be in a lot better shape, and I am working on that. Casting my burdens upon the Lord is difficult for me, because I don’t fully understand what that means, but I do know that when I am down, He will pick me up. When I am lonely, He will send me comfort. When I am sad, He will dry my tears. I have felt that and I have seen that, and I have a firm testimony in the fact that my Savior knows me and loves me.

I have been meeting with a life coach, and he is absolutely amazing and has helped me SO MUCH! Last week while meeting with him we were working through some residual anger and hurt that I had, and it ended up being a life-changing experience for me. Part of it was looking back and pinpointing some exact emotions and feelings that I have been feeling, and then turning them over to the Lord. As I worked on doing that during the session with him, I had a very personal and spiritual experience that helped me to change my outlook and feelings on a lot of different things. I felt walls breakdown, felt healing begin to take place, and had a drastic change in attitude. Yes, I broke down and started to cry, which I do not like to do in front of people (I have been told it is an endearing quality of mine, but I really don’t like crying in front of people . . .) but it was definitely okay in this situation because the spirit was strong in the room and we both were feeling it. I distinctly heard the words come to my mind, “Let it go, because we love you” and that is what I have been trying to do in so many situations. I have been holding on to a lot of anger and resentment, but I won’t go into all of the situations where that has happened because the list goes on and on, but that doesn’t matter anymore, because I am finally starting to be able to realize that I can let it go because I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love me, and that is all that truly matters. What other people think of me isn’t the most important thing in my life. Other people are allowed to have their opinions and views of me, and that is totally fine, but it doesn’t really matter because the only opinions that matter, really, are those of my Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and how I feel about myself. Sure it is nice to feel validated by other people, but what is truly important is my relationship with my Father in Heaven and being square with him.

That was extremely healing. I feel like that was me casting a burden on the Lord, and He took care of me. I won’t pretend like after that life has been just a bed of roses, but it has been A LOT better and I don’t have as much anger or resentment in my heart. Satan likes to work on tearing us down, for sure, and I am not going to lie, Thursday was amazing and then the weekend happened and I don’t know why but suddenly I was like, “Blah!” but I recognize who those feelings come from and am finding it easier to “Let it go, because we [Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ] love you,” and I am able to allow myself to be happy. I am able to allow myself to finally start to become the son of God that I know my Heavenly Father wants, and expects, me to become. Someone told me something just this morning through a text that I don’t think he realizes how much it meant to me, but it was just a simple statement that I didn’t realize I needed to hear. “You are always of value Kevin!” Thank you my friend for that reminder. Life is challenging sometimes, and we can feel like we are drowning, but if we just do the simple things that will lead us back to our Heavenly Father, do the things that will strengthen our relationship with Him, we can keep our heads above the water and eventually just get out of the water entirely and return to be with Him.