I've shared this before, but I am sharing it again. I have spent the past couple of hours looking at my life and am realizing just how true this scene is. Honestly, and as cheesy as it sounds, this scene changed my life. Just read these words and let them sink in:
"And what exactly do you think fairy tales are? They are a reminder that our lives will get better if we just hold onto hope. Your happy ending may not be what you expect, but that is what will make it so special. . . . Believing in even the possibility of a happy ending is a powerful thing."
These words changed my life. I know that it sounds cheesy and ridiculous. I can just see people reading this going, "Really, Kevin? You are just obsessed with this show. No TV show can have that much power on a person. It is just a TV show, a scripted drama. Don't be crazy." Well, this show has had some great impact in my life because of many a great scene. I could talk about how I am basically the male version of Emma (see episode 5X10 where Emma says, "When I'm scared that's when my walls go up that's when I stop trusting the people around me you know this."). I could talk about how I relate to Zelena and how she just wants someone to love her for who she is, how she just wants love in her life. (Season 5X21 where she says, "All I ever wanted was love.") I could talk about a million things, but I am going to focus on this once scene, the scene where Henry gets the book and where I realized a great many things.
Hope is extremely powerful. President Uchtdorf said during general conference in October 2008, "Hope has the power to fill our lives with happiness. Its absence-when this desire of our heart is delayed-can make 'the heart sick.'" I have to agree with President Uchtdorf on this one. The absence of hope CAN, and DOES, make the heart sick. Been there. Done that. It wasn't fun. The heart truly hurts when you are out of hope and you just are forcing yourself to keep going. President Uchtdorf went on to say, "Moroni in his solitude-even after having witnessed the complete destruction of his people-believed in hope. In the twilight of the Nephite nation, Moroni wrote that without hope we cannot receive an inheritance in the kingdom of God." If the last Nephite around thought that hope was extremely important, I think that we can all agree that it is important.
Believing in even the possibility of a happy ending is a powerful thing. It is an EXTREMELY powerful thing. This can be linked to many different places in life, not just for the very distant future (even though I do link it towards my distant future, but more on that later). For example, after my 5th wrist surgery and the realization that my life was about to take a very different course than I had been planning for the previous 10 years, I had to find the hope that I could find something that would be fulfilling and bring me the joy that ASL had up until that point. I had to have hope that I would find something that brought me joy and happiness, and I found that. I found a career that brings me incredible joy, not only because I love the work that I do both in the office and freelancing, but it has lead to some incredible circumstances that I would not have had otherwise. This simple "happy ending" was possible because I had hope. I was lead to find a job that brings me much satisfaction with people who I love and care about deeply, and who love and care about me as well. I was able to believe that I would one day finish school, and I am not a college graduate. I have had many small happy endings in my life, and I am grateful for them and that I found the hope to continue moving forward.
Like I said earlier, tonight I have spent a lot of time looking back at my life and realizing just how absolutely amazing it really and truly is. The past couple of weeks have been turning points in my life where I have come to realize a lot of things about myself, about what I want in my life, and about a lot of things. I have been happier in the past couple of weeks than I have been in any other time of my life other than the mission. Things are changing in my world, and I have many reasons to be grateful. I have come to realize a lot of things, but one of the greatest things that I have come to see is the worth that I have and have felt a different kind of light in my life. Through many conversations with a lot of dear friends, I have learned a lot of things and my outlook on life, and more importantly on myself, have changed. I had a conversation with a good friend the other day that had me in tears, but they were tears of joy. It was a personal conversation, so I'm going to keep it that way, but it was something that changed my outlook. This conversation, while probably didn't mean very much to this friend, meant more to me than anyone could even know. Recently my life has been very different. I have had some losses, but I have gained some incredible things, and I am happier now than ever before. I am finally starting to become the man that I have always wanted to be. I am recognizing the worth that I have, beginning to find what I truly want in life, and it has been amazing. I love the person that I am. I love the people who are in my life, who love and support me in all that I do. I love the dear friends that I have, who have stuck by me through good times and bad times and never given up on me. I am grateful for a friend who calls it like it is and isn't afraid to just be honest and truthful with me in every situation, but also supports me and loves me for me, no pretenses or fakeness (I love you buddy so much!). I am grateful for a friend who has made me feel like I am of worth, like I am important, and who has helped me deal with some walls that I have put up in my life and a lot of my insecurities. I am grateful for a friend who treats me like one of the family. I am grateful for a friend who has helped me to realize a great many things about myself and has allowed me to just be me. I am just truly grateful for the friends that I have and I wouldn't be the person I am without them.
My life right now looks nothing like I had planned for it to be while growing up, and I am completely grateful for that. My happy ending may not be what I expected it to be while growing up, in fact I can almost guarantee that, but that is what will make it special and a wonderful adventure. I am learning to just let go and take life as it comes at me, and it has been absolutely wonderful. Do I know what the future holds? Nope. Not at all, and that is okay. Do I know what tomorrow brings? Nope, not even remotely, and that is wonderful. The search for my happily ever after is a life-long journey, and one that I know I don't have to make alone because of the INCREDIBLE people in my life. I am going to find it though. I have that hope. So, long story short, that scene changed my life. I don't know what to expect for my happy ending, but I know that it is going to be special and that I will, one day, find it.
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