"Once Upon A Time" is back and that makes me happy. This show is absolutely amazing, one of the greatest shows on television. This season started off with some interesting themes and wonderful scenes and it was so much fun to be able to watch it again. It was like reconnecting with a long lost friend. I know, that sounds ridiculous, but it is true. There was a scene at the end of the episode that was one of the most impactful things that I have ever seen on television. Regina and Snow were talking about their relationship as step-mother step-daughter, and Regina was pretty blunt and just basically said that she was a terrible step-mother. She asked Snow how she had hope, and Snow told her that Regina was the one who taught her that hope was a choice, which in and of itself is a wonderful and impacting statement, one that I need to actually focus on and make an effort to believe and to make that choice, but then Regina gave a monologue that was one most touching, thought provoking, and impacting thing that I have ever seen and gave me so much to think about:
"The only story I heard was the one I kept telling myself, that I was the Evil Queen, until finally I forgot the most important thing, my life was never just one story. It was many stories. To some a villain. I hurt people in ways I can never make up for. To others I'm a hero. They see my strength, my ability to do the hard things even when I thought I couldn't. I want to start a new story, one where the Evil Queen doesn't get a part, and I choose to believe that this story will have a better ending than my last."
I don't even know where to begin with this, but I will just say that those of you who know me probably know what my reaction to this was. If you guessed tears then you are right! This scene had me bawling. There is a lot of truth in this monologue, and so many things that were said in this one minute of screen time that had me thinking a lot about my life and the many roles that I have played in it, and the many roles that other people have played in it as well.
". . . my life was never just one story. It was many stories." Just think of this for a second. Sometimes I get caught up in just one thing that is going on in my life and that is the entire focus. What I forget sometimes is that there are a lot of stories playing out at the same time that I am involved in, all of which are helping to determine the outcome, determine whether or not I find the happiness that I have been searching for for so long. It isn't just one linear story, but life is complex and intricate, full of twists and turns that can be completely unexpected, but we are all heading towards the same destination. An oracle in the premier basically laid it out plane and simple to Emma when she said, "You can change the path to the destination, but the destination is the same." That destination is a reunion with my Heavenly Father, one that I hope brings joy and happiness, not shame or regret. What I do now in my life determines the path that I am on. I can hold onto the iron rod as is taught in the Book of Mormon and stay close to my Savior, or I can leave into the mists of darkness and get lost along the way. Eventually though we will all have that chance to stand before God and be awarded a kingdom of glory based on our faithfulness to staying on the path.
There are many roles that we play in our own lives, but there are also roles that we play in the lives of others. I am not perfect, not by any means, and I for sure can look back at my life and see exactly what Regina was referring to when she said that to some she was the villain. I have for sure been the villain in the lives of others at times. I for sure have been hurtful and neglectful, mean and terrible, and have done and said things that I cannot ever take back. I have for sure been the villain in other people's stories, but also in my own story. The good thing is that there is always a chance for redemption and the villain doesn't always have to stay that way. The point of this TV show is one of hope, and hope exists for every single character, and it is that way in life as well. Every single one of us have the exact same hope, found through a loving Savior who sacrificed Himself, atoned for our sins, and made possible this redemption. It is glorious to think about. So this role of a villain that I have played, and that others have played in my life, don't have to be the only things we are known for.
"To others I'm a hero. They see my strength, my ability to do the hard things even when I thought I couldn't." I think that we all want to be known as the heroes of our stories. We all want to be seen as a shining beacon of light, as someone who has made the most of their life and done something to be remembered for. I think that that is a normal and natural thing to hope for, and something that is noble to fight for. Do I feel like a hero? No, not at all, but I want to be. I have some heroes in my life who have done so much for me in ways that are beyond powerful to me. I have a friend who is a hero to me, whether he knows it or not, and if he is reading this I hope that he realizes how much of a hero he is to me. To me a hero is someone who doesn't boast of themselves, someone who is just doing their best and living their life, letting their light shine and building people up. They know they aren't perfect, but in their imperfection they just move forward. They don't pretend to be someone they are not, but they are constantly working on being the best versions of themselves that they can be, love everyone for who they are, and are willing to help those they love in any situation they may find themselves in. I have a friend who does that more than he could ever imagine and is a shining example of the man that I want to become. When I have been at my lowest points ever, some of which have been very recent, this hero of mine has been able to not let me just wallow in darkness or suffer alone, but has stood there and picked me up, lifted me out of the darkness, and not allowed me to give up. When I have wanted to just say, "Screw it, this is just too hard," this friend of mine has listened to my many complaints and feelings, comforted me as I have just sat there and wept in grief, sorrow, and pain, and has come to my rescue both literally and figuratively on more occasions than not. He has helped me to realize what I need to work on in my life and has supported me in taking the steps to move forward, seen strength in me that sometimes I have not been able to see or believe was there, and has become like a brother to me. He has accepted me for the person that I am, flawed and imperfect, and not given up on me even when I have wanted to give up on myself. I can trust him with anything and everything, and that is something that I have taken for granted I think. THIS is a hero. This is just a glimpse of what this hero has done for me, and I hope that I can be half the man that he is. We all have heroes in our lives, and we all have the power to be the heroes in the lives of others. I am eternally grateful for the heroes in my life.
"I want to start a new story, one where the Evil Queen doesn't get a part, and I choose to believe that this story will have a better ending than my last." I think that this phrase is one of the most important ones in the whole episode because it all comes down to the choices that we have in our lives. Through multiple conversations that I have had recently with my mother and the above mentioned friend/hero, I have come to realize one important and profound truth: happiness is a choice. We can all choose to be happy in whatever circumstance we find ourselves in. This doesn't mean that it is easy, not at all. When we are in the midst of our own personal hells and trials it is hard to see the blessings that we have, at least for me it is. If you are able to do that, then I am jealous of you because that is NOT a strength of mine at all, but it is something that I am working on. There was a story in General Conference about a missionary who had a prosthetic leg who just tried so hard to serve where he was called, but riding a bike was just not working for him. He broke down and asked his mission president, "Why was I called here?" and the mission president's response was, "Maybe you were called here to help me," and he was able to help someone else's life because of his personal hell. Now that is not an exact quote or how he said it exactly, but that was the gist of it, and as I was thinking about it I thought to myself, "Well that isn't fair. How is it fair for God to say, 'Well, your life is going to suck, but because of your sucky life others will be blessed, so just deal with it,'. That doesn't seem fair or okay at all." and I discussed this with my parents, and it just came down to agency again. We all have the choice to make the most out of a difficult situation. We all have the choice to find the happiness that comes from our crappy situations, because we all have them. We all have things that we find unfair about our lives, but we can help other people because of them. I have some unique perspectives on life because of my situation. I have so much that I can offer, but it comes down to re-framing my mind to see that. Sometimes my life just plain sucks. Sometimes it isn't fair. Sometimes I think, "Did I agree to this before coming down to earth life because I don't know if I am strong enough to handle this." I still feel that sometimes, that I am not strong enough to deal with everything that I get to deal with in my life, but that is where the choice comes in. Hope and happiness are choices. We all have been blessed with a wonderful gift called agency, and we have the wonderful opportunity to choose happiness, even in the worst times. There is so much to be happy about. My life would not be the same if I hadn't gone through some of the things I have gone through and felt the things I feel. I have been extremely blessed and need to make the choice to look at those blessings. It is time to start a new story, one where I am choosing to be the hero and not the villain. This is something that I am working on and something that is happening gradually in my life.
One last quick thought, something that I found to be intriguing and something to look forward to in life. "We all have untold stories waiting to be played out." Life is full of stories for all of us, and all that we can do is let them unfold. We can take charge though and allow these untold stories to benefit us. Life is a gift and we should not waste it. My challenge to myself, and to you, is to be ready for these untold stories. Who knows what adventures they can, and will, bring. There will be ups and downs. There are times when the story brings joy and there are times when the story brings sadness. There are times when we are the heroes, times when we are the victims, and times when we have to choose not to be the villain. I am not sure how my untold stories will play out, but I am ready for the adventures and am hopeful for the day when I will get to look back and see how far I have come and hope to be able to say that I have become a hero.
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